Why Not Me?

Remember the good old days when the decision to run for President of the US occurred in private?  Old, fat, white guys in smoke filled rooms tossed around names until they agreed on a candidate.  No begging, no drama, they made a decision and went with it.

Today candidates think about running for President.  They tweet about running for President.  They hint and act coy when asked directly about running for President.  Most annoying is the common refrain:  if America wants me to run, I will.  Are they running for President of the US or PTA Treasurer?

Position changing author and pundit, Newt Gingrich, might run in 2012.  He plans to give us an answer some time next year.  He previously thought about running in 2008 before changing his mind.

Reality TV star talk show pundit and author, Sarah Palin, is also tweeting about maybe running for President in 2012.  She is engaged in “internal deliberations”.

Self-promotion king, the Donald, is getting serious about his Presidential run in 2012.  He recently spent $20 to secure the domain shouldtrumprun.com.  A website asking people if he should run is so Presidential.  The Donald promises to let us know by June, I cannot wait.

I am inspired by these great potential leaders sort of committing to run for President. I am almost ready to announce that I am sort of, maybe kinda, thinking about the possibility of perhaps running for President of the United States.  I will run if the people want me to and it is OK with my family.

I am late to the thinking about running game.  My opponents have at least a year head start in planning to think about running for President.  I must take some important steps before I can become a serious contender.

1. I need my own show on FOX.  I wrote them recently about my issues with the Board of Education stomping on my Freedom of Speech.  I expect a show soon, or at least a guest spot on Fox and Friends.
2. My book tour is off to a slow start.  The mainstream media is refusing to promote the book I have not written.  The Liberal Elite fear me.
3. I have not cheated on my wife.  My spouse rarely says stupid things in public.  My child is not doing anything scandalous.  I have never been investigated for ethics violations.  This responsible behavior has to stop.
4. I need a twitter account.
5. Update:  Now I have a Twitter account: RantRollDuane
6. Recently TLC rejected my idea for a reality show:  The Willoughby Way.  I did not meet TLC’s minimum number of children policy.

America is not looking for Simon Cowl to lead our country. Celebrities are desperate to stay in the public’s eye.  JFK did not have a reality show.  Ike did not use a website or book tour to launch his campaign.   Reagan did not travel like a rock star.  History shows, indecisive candidates never win.  Leaders do not ask if they should lead.

You know what the difference is between a blogger and a Great White Shark is?  Bloggers have thumbs.  I am going to bring it on in a new way of doing things like they did in the old days.  Willoughby 2012… maybe.  If you want me to that is.

I heard things…

I am currently working on something that could be a big deal.   This week I will keep it short with a few thoughts on subjects I found blog worthy.

Military:  iPhones are sweet, but if you are losing contact with nuclear subs, it is time to switch from AT&T

Vatican:  The Simpsons are a cartoon.  Claiming the Simpson family is not going to increase membership.  I am afraid other organizations will follow the lead of L’Osservatore Romano and claim cartoon characters for their own.  Anti drug groups are planning “Like zoinks!  Say no to drugs”, commercials featuring Shaggy.  Perhaps a conservative author named Brian C. Anderson will write a book about Conservative values in South Park.

Brett Favre:  You ignored the first rule of famous men – never involve yourself with a model /actress/ writer/ TV personality/ Internet star.

Derek Dooley (U Tennessee coach):  Your players are not like the Germans before D-Day.  In fact, sports are not like war at all.  Your comment reveals your ignorance of historical events.  I understand you are from a football family, but it is just football even in the SEC.

Dexter Fans:  I loved Dexter, in 2004, when I read the first book.  Back then he was a soulless serial killer with a Harry imposed code of ethics.  I do not like the huggable humanized Dexter on TV.  The “supernatural”  books are not any better.

Juan Williams:  We get it, NPR did you wrong.  Ten percent of Americans are unemployed and you are still complaining after a 2 million dollar deal with FOX?  Let it go.

Senator Mitch McConnell (KY):  The single most important thing you want to achieve should be working to fix the economy.  Defeating President Obama should be near the bottom.  Country before Party – learn it, live it, love it.

Florida Voters:  A choice between an insurance guy and a former Bank of America executive.  Good luck with that.

Nathan Deal and Roy Barnes: You wasted time and money telling voters the other candidate is a scum sucking lowlife.  We already knew that.

MTV:  Thank you for continuing to dumb down an entire generation.  I cannot wait to see Jersey Shore vs. Road Rules vs. Real World in the Inferno.  I am looking forward to the 16 and Pregnant spin off:  The State Takes the Baby.

Book Publishers:  A Snooki book?  Is it a pop up?  Will it be written in English or Jersey?

Major League Baseball:  Either invest in glasses for your umpires or use replay.  The “human element” is hurting the game’s credibility.

LeBron:  You still do not get it.

Real Numb

This is an excerpt from my highly anticipated debut novel:  Yes, They’re Real – a man’s guide to understanding women. Some critics compare my book to Black Like Me and Main Street.

Excerpt from Chapter 74 – Reality TV

Women watch approximately 200 more hours of reality TV a month than men do. Women will watch almost any show about any subject.  I immersed myself in Female Reality Show TV to understand their appeal.  I experienced dramatic emotional changes during the research.  One time, I became lost and had the urge to ask for directions.

It took two weeks of Sports Center, South Park and Jason Bourne movies to deprogram my brain.  Once I was clean, I translated “their” shows into language men will understand.  My sacrifice and research provides men a base of understanding for popular reality shows.

Listen Mav... this is a chick movie.

Dancing with the Stars and American Idol – Singing and dancing are two components of successful chick flicks.   It does not matter if the movie is about a best friend’s wedding, a pair of traveling pants or a U.S. Navy fighter pilot; at some point, singing and dancing will occur.  Singing, dancing and shirtless volleyball qualifies Top Gun for chick flick status.

Flip This House – Features people buying a house and believing they can improve it and sell it.  It is a metaphor women use to justify some relationships.  She hopes with a lot of work the singlewide trailer (boyfriend) can transform into a cozy beachfront cottage (husband).  The harsh lesson learned too late is if you buy a singlewide, it will stay a singlewide.

Kate Plus 8 – John and Kate plus 8 The original show featured a Troll and his Shrew attempting to earn money exploiting their gaggle of children.  The ratings blossomed when John and Kate’s marriage fell apart.  Men must remember no matter how challenging your relationship is it could be worse; you could have Kate and eight.

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant – One time I thought I sprained my ankle.  I went to the emergency room and they diagnosed it as a severe sprain.  Years later I learned the doctors misdiagnosed my injury and my ankle was fractured.  My experience is almost the same as not knowing you are pregnant.  While I went to the ER, these women assume it is nine months of indigestion.  I think the increase in food consumption and weight gain is a red flag, but that’s just me.

That taco I ate 7 months ago sure is giving me gas.

Cake Boss and DC Cupcakes – Not one but two shows dedicated to cake. Mix flour, butter and eggs in a large bowl.  Bake 350 degrees until firm.  Take cake out, let cool then slap on some icing and you have a show!

 

Cup Cake Wars - for men

 

Toddlers & Tiaras – The most disturbing show on TV.  The show is about mothers living out their failed dreams through small children.  Winning the pageant is all consuming for the stage moms.  Soon a follow up show called Pageant Therapy will debut on TLC.  Fortunately, none of the women I surveyed in my house watch this show.

Hey kids - hair gel is cool.

Jersey Shore – The name says it all.

In my workshops, I advise men to find common ground with his significant other.  If watching pointless reality TV instead of the rebroadcast of last night’s Sport Center is important to her – then it is important to him. Making an effort to “watch” reality TV shows an interest in what she likes.

Next time she is watching Bringing Home Baby follow these simple steps to survive the hour:  Bring a large bottle of Tequila to the couch.  Remove cap and chug a quarter of it.  Replace cap.  Beat yourself in the head until you lose consciousness.  Repeat as necessary.

Free speech with a price

As my loyal reader(s) know, I created this site to practice and improve my writing skills.  I look for new ways to express myself and improve my chances in a competitive job market.

Currently, I am working on a script for a comic book.  Working on the comic book  brought back memories of high school and my brief endeavor in editorial cartoons.

I recently discovered Comic Life on my Mac.  I am experimenting with the software to see if I can use it to express my thoughts in cartoon.

Below is my 2^nd attempt.  I have not made up my mind whether or not to publish my first cartoon.  While I think it is brilliant satire, others may disagree.

Please let me know what you think about the comics.

Click on the image to make it larger.

9 years ago

Three updates in one week are more than normal.  This will not be one of my usual updates.

Every year I tell the same story:

I was teaching PE in Florida, it was a nice sunny day.  A teacher told me a plane flew into the World Trade Center.

“How’d that happen?” I asked.

She did not know.

Later she returned to tell me another plane hit the WTC.

“That’s messed up,” I responded.

It was not long after and we were ordered inside.  I am not sure if we inside before or after the crashes at the Pentagon and Pennsylvania.

The rest of the day we tried to reassure elementary school kids they were safe.  Because of the school demographics, very few students were picked up early.

We were also limited on what we could say.  There was no reason to discuss every detail.  It was up to the parents to determine how much they wanted to share.

Nine years later kids do not understand what happened on September 11, 2001.  It is a historical date like December 7, 1941.  Something happened that only old people remember.

(All political commentary will be deleted – time and place and this isn’t it)

More than cereal boxes

Marriage is more than simply saying; “I do” to the person I am going to spend my life with.  There is more to marriage than dealing with crisis or celebrating achievements.  Marriage is about the little things that happen between the honeymoon and the day she snuffs me out with a pillow.

The day-to-day events wreck some marriages and strengthen others.  Small issues build up to become big issues driving a wedge between two people that originally loved each other.  Talking about the small issues prevents them from becoming divisive.  On the other hand, if you have a blog, as I do, you could air out the dirty laundry for all to read.

I distinctly recall the minister asking me if “I would love Laura in sickness and in health?”  At no point did he mention cereal boxes, pillows, shoes or vampires.

Laura will not watch True Blood.  Not only will she not watch the greatest vampire show ever, she mocks me for watching it.

Previously I revealed Laura has a serious cereal problem.  At one time thirteen boxes of cereal were open.  Now, because of my heroic efforts only five boxes are open at a time.  Laura’s cereal disease also infected our son, but with treatment, he will be OK.

Laura loves pillows.  We have pillows all over the couch, the bed,  the kid’s bed and even in the basement.  We have pillows inside storage bins and on closet shelves.  Why do we need this many pillows?  I believe Laura plans to decorate our basement like a tent in Arabian Nights.

Our basement

My friend, Dan, came over to watch football.  When it was time to leave, he could not find his shoes, wallet or watch.  Laura put them “away” assuming they were mine.  Constantly my shoes will disappear into an alternate dimension.

Not just shoes disappear.  Many times while cooking, Laura begins cleaning the kitchen.  Spoons, cutting boards, knives, strainers and on two occasions pans vanish while I am still using them.

Laura thinks my hobbies are corporate schemes to charge high prices for useless equipment.  She does not see the difference between putters.  She thinks I only need one cycling helmet not five.  The need for special running, biking, and golf shoes is silly because all anybody needs are a pair of “gym shoes.”

Gym Shoes

We have been together for sixteen years.  Sixteen years of cereal boxes, stuff disappearing and not understanding why I need more than one pair of running shoes.

During our time together, we faced many challenges, some bigger than others.  We talk and laugh about the little things, keeping them in perspective.  More importantly, we accept our differences and love each other unconditionally.

Currently I am struggling to make a living writing.  Laura not only supports the idea, she encourages me to chase my dream.  She believes in me and is willing to make sacrifices so I can write. In the end, it does not matter how many boxes of cereal are open at a time.  Trust, love and supporting each other make a marriage successful.

13

This is a repost from SlowGuy June 4, 2009.  I need to thank Hearse Driver Tony (the Original “Situation”) for reminding me about this in a recent email.   I did not transfer the original comments.

Reading the original reminded me of a few things: I am a better writer now than I was then. Training for Ironman Augusta was awesome. My wife needs an immediate Cereal Intervention.

My intention today was to get active pursuing writing.  In order to accomplish my goal I would have to spend as much time as I can… writing.

I also thought how awesome it would be to attempt to describe today’s ride. The rain began to fall lightly on the trail.  The sun was still out so it was almost golden (not golden shower – that is something completely different – if kids are reading… go ask your parents).

As the rain began to fall harder, the trail became wetter.  Wet trail isn’t so bad.  Wet roots and rocks are another story.

I would like to go into detail… but I don’t have the time.

I want to write about evil squirrels.  However, I can’t right now.

What is holding me back?  Writers block?  Nope.  The number thirteen.

After I went to the grocery store, I was putting food away.  I noticed the pantry was full.  Then I saw why:

13

There were thirteen boxes of cereal in the pantry.  Thirteen!  One was hidden on the top shelf.  Somebody in my house has a serious cereal addiction.  They need help immediately.

Who suffers from this serious affliction?  Grape Nuts are mine.  The Dude can’t drive.  ’nuff said.

Entertainment News Network

The music cranks a patriotic theme song.  Flags wave on the Titantron.  The crowd cheers as the entertainer makes his way to the stage.  Did Hulk Hogan enter Madison Square Garden for Wrestlemania or is it Glen Beck?

FOX News and the WWE both profit by creating controversy and drama.  Under government pressure, both companies admitted they manufacture content to achieve ratings success.  Vince McMahon, WWE CEO, admits wrestlers rehearse moves and the matches are predetermined. FOX Senior VP Michael Clemente confirmed that FOX programming mixes factual news with editorial content.

Believing the manufactured reality is critical to the success of both organizations.  Occasionally fans catch on to inconsistencies in the storyline.  Triple H feuding with Stephanie McMahon was not believable when their off screen marriage was revealed.

Recently FOX linked the Kingdom Foundation to the controversial New York Islamic center.  The same Islamic center FOX’s Laura Ingram supported in December 2009.   FOX portrayed the Kingdom Foundation as a front for possible terrorist activities. FOX abandoned the storyline when it was revealed that Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, the man behind the Kingdom Foundation, is a friend and business partner of FOX owner Rupert Murdoch.

The revelation that FOX was in business with an alleged terrorist financier shocked me.  I have not felt so betrayed since Hulk Hogan joined the NWO at Bash at the Beach in 1996.

The WWE Divas provide eye candy for the coveted 20-54 male demographic.  FOX uses super babes like Megyn Kelly and former Miss America Gretchen Carlson.  Gretchen, a Stanford University Honors graduate, takes her role a step further pretending to be a dumb blonde that needs to google big words.

The driving forces behind the WWE are the testosterone driven superstars.  The Rock, Triple H, Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker are genetically enhanced super freaks capable of crushing the opposition with a devastating finishing move.

FOX employs mental megastars to stomp out liberal agendas and anti-American rhetoric wherever it occurs.  Glenn Beck, the crying common man, uses his amazing chalkboard to link random events to complicated Nazi-communist–fascist conspiracies.  Beck may be the most honest about the role FOX News plays.  In April 2010, Beck told Forbes Magazine: “I could give a flying crap about the political process. We’re an entertainment company.”

Bill O’Riley former tabloid TV superstar uses his quick wit and abrasive demeanor to silence those that dare disagree with him.  An O’Riley “shut up” is as devastating as a pile driver though a table.

The Big Show Sean Hannity has the rage of a fat kid tormented though high school.  Like Beck, Hannity has the ability to manipulate quotes and events to fit his version of reality.  Those foolish enough to oppose Hannity are beaten down with a series of passive aggressive remarks and egomaniacal smirks.  It is rumored that Alan Combs, liberal lightweight, joined Steve Bartman in seclusion following years of Hannity abuse.

FOX and the WWE do whatever is necessary to gain ratings.  WW brings in celebrities from outside wrestling to promote the highly profitable pay-per-views.  FOX uses the most outrageous personalities as experts on various subjects.  Are Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson the only African Americans that can appear on TV?  Are Geraldo, Mark Fuhrman or Ann Coulter experts in anything other than self-promotion? I cannot wait to see Snookie and the Situation on the Great American Panel discussing Middle East peace talks.

The WWE is upfront about their deception while editorial news programming continues to pretend they are delivering facts. Before the explosion of 24-hour news and talk radio, the news media respected the intelligence of the audience.  Editorial based morning shows, news magazine shows and talk shows reacted to the news they did not create the news.  I am disappointed in the new corporate news media for choosing ratings and dollars over journalistic integrity.

Look here for successful schools

Georgia public schools are failing our children.  DeKalb County schools make national headlines due to their constant ethic violations and questionable decision making.  Atlanta Public Schools are under investigation for cheating on the CRCT.  Clayton County lost accreditation in 2008.  The National Education Association protects bad teachers.  Georgia Republicans point out the failures and call for alternative forms of education.

Except not all public school systems are failing. Cherokee County Schools produced high scores on the CRCT.  The majority of the schools meet the Adequate Yearly Progress

standards as determined by No Child Left Behind.  In spite of the success, our local Republican elected officials continue to push for vouchers and school choice.

Cherokee County high school seniors did better on the ACT than their peers in Georgia.  Cherokee seniors beat the state average by nearly two points.  In comparison with the rest of the country, our seniors beat the US average by over a point.  A system producing above average scores on the ACT is not failing.

This spring Cherokee County first through eighth graders did extremely well on the CRCT.   Georgia Department of Education records show 95 percent of Cherokee County students met or exceeded standards in reading, 95 percent met or exceeded standards in language arts and 89 percent met or exceeded standards in math.  Test scores prove that Cherokee County Schools are succeeding.

Despite gains across the county on the CRCT, three elementary schools and one high school failed to make Adequate Yearly Progress.  The data on the Georgia Department of Education website provides insight into factors contributing to a “Not Meeting AYP” label.  A group less than 10 percent of the school population resulted in the schools not meeting AYP.  Academic performance and graduation rate are controllable by the school.  Attendance, included in the AYP formula is beyond the control of the school.

In 2009, Hasty Elementary School did not make AYP but rebounded this year.  How were they successful?  Did a revolutionary idea come from the Department of Education?  Perhaps the threat of competition with charter schools forced teachers to work harder.  Were the teachers threatened with their jobs?  No, the teachers, parents and students worked together to create a successful learning environment.

Collecting and analyzing data identified the strengths and weaknesses of the school.  Teachers identified students needing extra instruction using individual student data.  Teachers had the freedom to try different classroom strategies such as small group or collaborative learning groups to reach students.  Computer based instruction and technology created interactive centers for students to individually work on their weaknesses.

Schools with a higher percentage of students coming from stable college educated families score better than the students from less stable or less educated homes did.  The correlation between household income and test scores is undeniable.  However, it is a fallacy to believe poor students cannot learn.  Learning takes place but requires patience and creativity by the teachers and administration.  Studying for a test may take a back seat to family responsibility.  Students coming from homes valuing education generally excel in school.  Valuing education is not necessarily class related but connected to parental beliefs.

Instead of using mismanaged districts as the indicator of public schools, we should focus on successful ones.   I worked in several schools during my 13 years teaching in Florida and Cherokee County.  Like most professional educators, I have a good idea of what works and what does not work. The short answer is leadership.  Dr. Petruzielo is a strong leader and he demands much from his staff. Principals are responsible for setting the expectations in the schools.   Teachers take their cues from the principals and set expectations for the classroom.  When all school personnel, parents and students are on the same page, it creates an ideal environment for learning.

Instead of telling us the public school system is failing, it is time for our Georgia Representatives and Senators to look at our schools and determine why they work.  Most of the systems in Georgia are successful in spite of political interference.

Irresponsibly blaming teachers or unions shows a gross ignorance to the commitment of the professional educator.   It is disingenuous for our local Representatives and Senators to claim our schools are failing when obviously they are not.  Perhaps if their children attended a public school in Cherokee County they would know better.

I hope that with a new governor the state can look at what works instead of focusing on a few mismanaged systems.

The Big Dawg!

Yes, I really did apply for the UGA Athletic Director job.  Below is my letter.

Dear Mr. Gausvik,

I am applying for the Athletic Director of the University of Georgia.  I look forward to bringing my educational experience, communication skills and public speaking ability to the University of Georgia.

Working with student athletes requires a strong moral compass to guide in decision-making.  Teachers, coaches and athletic directors serve as role models and official representatives of the school or university.  During my 20 years working with students and the community, I strived to make a difference in young people’s lives while serving as a positive representative of my employer.  The University of Georgia needs a person of character to serve as the face of UGA athletics.

I possess the pertinent skills and experience to lead the Bulldogs to athletic excellence.

• I have 20 years experience working in athletic environments.  I am familiar with all aspects of athletic competition.  My work with the City of Pinellas Park brought me in contact with civic and business leaders while I transformed a defunct community center into a vibrant safe haven for teens.
• I worked with parents and students from all social economic backgrounds.
• I have excellent organizational abilities due to my experience as a teacher.
• Education is a fluid environment; adaptation and ingenuity are essential for success.  I am able to adapt to any situation to complete tasks on time.
• Responsible for budget to maintain physical education equipment for 800 students.  I stretched the allocated budget to meet all financial needs.
• B.A in Education from the University of South Florida.
• Relevant computer skills (Office, HTML, etc…)

My leadership style is collaboratively driven and results orientated.  I achieve success by creating an environment where all stakeholders are comfortable providing input.  While final responsibility falls to the Athletic Director, it is paramount to solicit input from those impacted by the decisions.  Through teamwork and trust comes success on the field and off.

I welcome the opportunity to meet with you and the selection team to discuss my candidacy for the Athletic Director position at the University of Georgia.  I believe my experience and credentials, while unique, make me the ideal candidate.

Sincerely,

Duane