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This is a repost from SlowGuy June 4, 2009.  I need to thank Hearse Driver Tony (the Original “Situation”) for reminding me about this in a recent email.   I did not transfer the original comments.

Reading the original reminded me of a few things: I am a better writer now than I was then. Training for Ironman Augusta was awesome. My wife needs an immediate Cereal Intervention.

My intention today was to get active pursuing writing.  In order to accomplish my goal I would have to spend as much time as I can… writing.

I also thought how awesome it would be to attempt to describe today’s ride. The rain began to fall lightly on the trail.  The sun was still out so it was almost golden (not golden shower – that is something completely different – if kids are reading… go ask your parents).

As the rain began to fall harder, the trail became wetter.  Wet trail isn’t so bad.  Wet roots and rocks are another story.

I would like to go into detail… but I don’t have the time.

I want to write about evil squirrels.  However, I can’t right now.

What is holding me back?  Writers block?  Nope.  The number thirteen.

After I went to the grocery store, I was putting food away.  I noticed the pantry was full.  Then I saw why:

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There were thirteen boxes of cereal in the pantry.  Thirteen!  One was hidden on the top shelf.  Somebody in my house has a serious cereal addiction.  They need help immediately.

Who suffers from this serious affliction?  Grape Nuts are mine.  The Dude can’t drive.  ’nuff said.

Look here for successful schools

Georgia public schools are failing our children.  DeKalb County schools make national headlines due to their constant ethic violations and questionable decision making.  Atlanta Public Schools are under investigation for cheating on the CRCT.  Clayton County lost accreditation in 2008.  The National Education Association protects bad teachers.  Georgia Republicans point out the failures and call for alternative forms of education.

Except not all public school systems are failing. Cherokee County Schools produced high scores on the CRCT.  The majority of the schools meet the Adequate Yearly Progress

standards as determined by No Child Left Behind.  In spite of the success, our local Republican elected officials continue to push for vouchers and school choice.

Cherokee County high school seniors did better on the ACT than their peers in Georgia.  Cherokee seniors beat the state average by nearly two points.  In comparison with the rest of the country, our seniors beat the US average by over a point.  A system producing above average scores on the ACT is not failing.

This spring Cherokee County first through eighth graders did extremely well on the CRCT.   Georgia Department of Education records show 95 percent of Cherokee County students met or exceeded standards in reading, 95 percent met or exceeded standards in language arts and 89 percent met or exceeded standards in math.  Test scores prove that Cherokee County Schools are succeeding.

Despite gains across the county on the CRCT, three elementary schools and one high school failed to make Adequate Yearly Progress.  The data on the Georgia Department of Education website provides insight into factors contributing to a “Not Meeting AYP” label.  A group less than 10 percent of the school population resulted in the schools not meeting AYP.  Academic performance and graduation rate are controllable by the school.  Attendance, included in the AYP formula is beyond the control of the school.

In 2009, Hasty Elementary School did not make AYP but rebounded this year.  How were they successful?  Did a revolutionary idea come from the Department of Education?  Perhaps the threat of competition with charter schools forced teachers to work harder.  Were the teachers threatened with their jobs?  No, the teachers, parents and students worked together to create a successful learning environment.

Collecting and analyzing data identified the strengths and weaknesses of the school.  Teachers identified students needing extra instruction using individual student data.  Teachers had the freedom to try different classroom strategies such as small group or collaborative learning groups to reach students.  Computer based instruction and technology created interactive centers for students to individually work on their weaknesses.

Schools with a higher percentage of students coming from stable college educated families score better than the students from less stable or less educated homes did.  The correlation between household income and test scores is undeniable.  However, it is a fallacy to believe poor students cannot learn.  Learning takes place but requires patience and creativity by the teachers and administration.  Studying for a test may take a back seat to family responsibility.  Students coming from homes valuing education generally excel in school.  Valuing education is not necessarily class related but connected to parental beliefs.

Instead of using mismanaged districts as the indicator of public schools, we should focus on successful ones.   I worked in several schools during my 13 years teaching in Florida and Cherokee County.  Like most professional educators, I have a good idea of what works and what does not work. The short answer is leadership.  Dr. Petruzielo is a strong leader and he demands much from his staff. Principals are responsible for setting the expectations in the schools.   Teachers take their cues from the principals and set expectations for the classroom.  When all school personnel, parents and students are on the same page, it creates an ideal environment for learning.

Instead of telling us the public school system is failing, it is time for our Georgia Representatives and Senators to look at our schools and determine why they work.  Most of the systems in Georgia are successful in spite of political interference.

Irresponsibly blaming teachers or unions shows a gross ignorance to the commitment of the professional educator.   It is disingenuous for our local Representatives and Senators to claim our schools are failing when obviously they are not.  Perhaps if their children attended a public school in Cherokee County they would know better.

I hope that with a new governor the state can look at what works instead of focusing on a few mismanaged systems.

New Laws

I commend our elected officials for working to create a state unlike any other in the USA.  What other governor bans Sunday beer sales to teach time management?  Governor Purdue provides Georgians with a valuable life lesson with his archaic reasoning.

I am thankful Senator Chip Pearson sponsored a resolution that wrestles power away from the federal government.  If the federal government passes a law Georgia disagrees with, the state can void the law.  It takes real leadership to embrace the Articles of Confederation instead of the U.S. Constitution.

Senators Pearson and Rogers sponsored SB 235 banning the implanting of microchips without consent.  While there is not a threat of marauding evil geniuses implanting brain-controlling microchips it is a good idea to have a law protecting us.

I believe there are other unnecessary laws the Georgia Legislature must consider:

• SUV Protection Amendment: SUV ownership deserves the same Constitutional protection as hunting and fishing.  It is the right of all Georgians to drive gas-guzzling vehicles.  Hauling three kids to soccer practice in a Hummer is safer than a Civic if attacked by a small suburban army.
• Green Transportation Act:  The Green Transportation Act provides tax credits and preferred parking for Georgians using green transportation. Driving a John Deer tractor or mower instead of a car qualifies for the Green Transportation Act.
• The Illegal Alien Protection Act (IAPA):  IAPA is not an Arizona type immigration bill.  The IAPA fills a void in federal government enforcement.  Georgia will lead the fight against the next illegal alien threat: abduction and experimentation.  The IAPA make it a felony in Georgia for extraterrestrials to abduct and experiment on Georgia residents.  Any extraterrestrial found guilty of violating the IAPA is subject to jail, fines and deportation.

Our elected officials work tirelessly to protect us from issues that are not actually a problem.  Solving unemployment, traffic, lack of water and education are not as important as microchips, time management and alien abductions.

The straight poop

not safe to go in the water

Poop is the scourge of the subdivision community.  Unsupervised children, golf carts and flagpoles do not come close to the problem of poop.  Each poop transgression is met with disdain but some poop issues are more egregious than others.

A dog leaving a poopie pie in the yard is very common in most neighborhoods.  Non-pet owners mistakenly believe it is safe to run carefree and barefoot through the grass.  Life is grand until they feel the squishy sensation between their toes.

Many residents combat dog space slugs by fencing the back yard.  By sacrificing the front yard to canine colon cobras, the back yard remains a haven for leisure enjoyment.

Dropping the kids off at the pool, in the pool, is an inconvenient doodie transgression.  Sea pickles are a result of accidents in the pool.  The offender is either a small child or a drunken adult that ate too many Hooters Wings. Most of the pool accidents by children happen in the wading pool.  Adult accidents can happen in any pool or on the deck.  A tiny pebble or a Baby Ruth Bar closes the pool.

Once closed the lifeguards, in Hazmat suits, work feverishly to decontaminate the pool. The decontamination process follows a state mandated seven-step procedure.

• The pool is closed.
• Life Guard dresses in protective clothing.
• Life Guard takes a picture of Mr. Hanky to post on Facebook.
• Life Guard removes Little Bo Poop.
• Life Guard throws 20-50 pounds of chlorine in the pool.
• Life Guard runs to Starbucks for ice white mocha.
• Pool reopens.

Chocolate soldiers on the sidewalks are another complaint in the neighborhood.  Residents blame dogs for sidewalk sphincter spears.  Dog owners are quick to blame coyotes and bears for the Lincoln Logs on the sidewalks.  Judging by the pile size it is my belief we have a two-ton grizzly bear loose in the subdivision.

Several owners attempt to combat sidewalk Trumps by placing signs in their yards reminding owners to “pick up after your dog.”  A brilliant tactic aimed at scofflaws too lazy to clean up after their pet.  However, It is unlikely a grizzly bear carries a plastic bag to pick up his deuce.

The Home Owners Association is considering hiring a DNA Forensic Scientist to examine the butt gnomes. DNA technology may lead to the arrest and convection of the offending pet and owner.  Beginning in August all residents will submit their family and pets to DNA testing.  A few radicals argue that requiring a DNA sample is an invasion of privacy.

“If you or your pet is not pooping in public you have nothing to fear,” President of the HOA said.

It is indeed a sad day when people refuse to submit willingly to DNA testing to stop rampant public pooping.  Where has my America gone?

How to be popular – subdivision edition

This must be trimmed by 150 words before I can submit it.  I will update on the my FB fan page.  A few people wanted to see this – so here it is.  If any of my neighbors feel this is about them I assure you it is unintentional.

As always – Thanks for reading. Please comment and share with all!

D

Remember high school?  Did you go to the coolest parties and hang out with the coolest people?  If not, it is because you were a dork.   Twenty years later, you find yourself in the same socially awkward situation living in a subdivision.  There is no need to repeat social mistakes from high school.  You too can roll with the subdivision “in crowd” by following seven easy steps.

Rule 1: The Right Stuff

Size of house and type of automobile are important in subdivision society.  Luxury SUVs are preferable to Honda or Toyota mini vans.   All vehicles in subdivisions are required to display at least one of the following: front license plate with subdivision name, elementary school logo magnet or little league sports team magnet.

Rule 2: Children Make a Statement

Three is the magic number of children in a subdivision.  Two is acceptable and one child is frowned upon unless for medical reasons.  The dream child situation in the subdivision is one child followed by twins.  When possible all children should have similar names or names beginning with the same first letter.

In subdivisions, children must play sports year round.  Football and baseball are for boys while cheerleading, tennis or gymnastics are appropriate for girls.  Parents must hire private coaches to guarantee your five-year -old a spot on the traveling T-ball team.  Elementary school children may play soccer in leagues with European names.

Rule 3: The In School

The right school is important from Pre-K until college.  Subdivision parents will camp in line to secure a spot in the most desirable pre-K programs.  If a family is unable to send the kids to private school then attending the best public school is important.

Attending PTA meetings is not enough for the subdivision parent; an elected office is the goal.  PTA Presidents wield power over the PTA, the teachers and all the students.  Parents unable to attain the prestigious office of PTA President will volunteer for coordinator positions.   Subdivision social etiquette grants PTA officers preferential seating at the pool on holiday weekends.

Rule 4: Father Best Work

Subdivision husbands commute 90 minutes to Atlanta, work from home or both.  Social status and hours worked are connected.  A man with a Bluetooth ear bud glued to his head working 50 hours a week is more successful than a man working outside corporate America.

Rule 5: Mom’s Day Out

There are two types of women:  stay at home moms and working moms.  Stay at home moms do not understand why a woman chooses work over family.  A working mom cannot understand why a woman would give up her career.

Stay at home moms join playgroups, sit by the pool and play tennis.  The stay at home mom’s outfit of choice is the tennis skirt.  Stay at home moms wear the tennis skirt when shopping, volunteering at the elementary school or cleaning the house before the maid arrives.

Working moms wear Capri pants.  Capri pants are an attempt by the working mom to bridge the gap between corporate attire and the causal attire of the stay at home mom.

RULE 6: Too Cool for the Pool

The pool, like the school cafeteria is ground zero of social status.  The battles over the umbrella tables and chairs facing the sun are fierce. Arriving at the pool before sunrise and reserving a chair with towels is advisable.   The subdivision hires lifeguards to watch children freeing up parents time to gossip and drink.

Other than a Speedo, men can wear almost anything at the pool.   Who has time to exercise when working 50 hours a week?  Men refrain from discussing the physical or fashion of other men at the pool.

Women make up three distinct differences in swimwear categories: “Can wear a bikini”, “should not but do wear a bikini” and “will not wear a bikini”.  Critical comments about who should and should not wear a bikini are common among subdivision women.  Gossip via passive aggressive Facebook postings is more dignified than bathroom graffiti.

Rule Seven: A Party for Few

Do not repeat the mistake many new subdivision parents make and invite the entire neighborhood to a birthday party.  The best birthday parties are exclusive social affairs for the in-crowd.  You must invite the social elites to the party even if your kids hate their kids.  It is important to teach kids early to only play with kids that will not damage your social status.

Following these simple seven rules allows even the most socially awkward to break into the subdivision social scene.  In no time at all you too can hang out in a playgroup and post complaints on the neighborhood message board.  It is not who you know – it is who knows you.

Say Hi to Joe (v2)

My niece, Rachel, loves to tell stories about Joe, an awesome golden retriever.  Rachel’s stories vividly describe how wonderful Joe was and how much she loved him.  The affection Rachel has for Joe is amazing because they never met.   Joe passed away in my brother-in-law’s arms a month before Rachel was born.

Rachel’s connection to animals is uncanny, from my Dad’s guard dog Draco to Gil, a reclusive cat, animals love her and she loves them.  Draco was a large, clumsy dog that routinely knocked adults to the ground in his excitement to greet them.  The first time Draco saw Rachel he came bounding towards her.  Ten feet away Draco slowed to a walk, lowered his head and approached carefully, allowing Rachel to pet him.  Draco kept Rachel in sight for the rest of the visit.

Six years ago, my sister adopted a kitten named Gil.  Rachel and Gil formed an immediate bond.  Gil followed Rachel around the house by day and slept in her room at night.  Gil quickly joined KC, a horse, as one of Rachel’s many four-legged friends.

A few days before Thanksgiving Gil hid under the bed, stopped eating and would not respond to Rachel. Gil’s odd behavior prompted my sister to take him to the veterinarian. Rachel was adamant she would accompany Gil so he would not be afraid.

The veterinarian delivered the bad news:  kidney failure.  The choices were attempting kidney dialysis or put Gil to sleep.  The chances of dialysis being successful were bleak because Gil suffered from a genetic abnormality as well.  My sister faced a difficult decision complicated by the presence of Rachel.  After heart wrenching deliberations among the parents and doctor, they agreed to end Gil’s suffering.

Rachel accepted the decision and announced she would not abandon Gil.

“Will Gil go to heaven and see Joe?” Rachel asked.

“Yes” my sister responded.

“OK” Rachel said before bending down to kiss Gil for the last time.  She sat quietly for several minutes stroking Gil’s fur.  “Goodbye Gil.  Say hi to Joe.”

I learned a lot from Rachel in the days after Thanksgiving.  Like the other members of the family, Rachel misses Gil.  She believes Gil left them and moved in with Joe in heaven.  She is sad Gil is gone but knows he is happy and healthy again.  She talked to me about the fun things they did, not the pain of his passing.  Rachel’s stories now include Joe and Gil playing together.  Death is not the end, but the beginning of a new life.

Will Teach for Cash

Education and teaching are going to be on my mind for the next few weeks.  I hope to squeeze some funny stuff in too.  My last letter made me very popular with teachers.  I am not sure what this one will do (if printed).  I know the next one will be very unpopular.  As a friend pointed out to me:  ”Nobody likes you anyway.”

Politicians believe performance based compensation works for business, so it will work for education.  Unlike business compensation plans, the proposed education plans have little to do with the teacher.

A corporate job posting using the proposed educational performance pay plan:

Wanted:  Professional Result Supervisor (PRS).  Ideal candidate must posses a Bachelors degree and certification in Result Supervision.  Candidate must motivate a diverse team of twenty-five employees.

The team will come from diverse backgrounds with different skills and values.  The PRS is responsible for guaranteeing team success using approved developmental processes.  Performance of the team, not PRS effectiveness, determines compensation.

Few people would apply for the position of PRS because the accountability outweighs the authority.  The best employees will not seek employment under a terrible compensation plan.  Basing pay on the performance of others is not acceptable in corporate America or in education.

Teachers do not pick the students, they teach the students assigned to the class.  Class disruption, poor behavior and apathy negatively influence test scores.  Unlike employees, students cannot be fired for refusing to follow instructions.

Combining three types of evaluations provide a clear picture of the teacher’s performance.

• Provide a subject pretest and post test to measure student performance from the beginning of the year to the end.  Base results on individual classrooms not the county.  Not all students learn the same way.

• Principals can observe teachers using a state standardized evaluation form to rate the quality of instruction.  Accurately determining teacher quality requires three to four evaluations during the year.

• Teachers must demonstrate their ability to guide instruction from the state standards of the subject.  A check sheet provides dates and documentation of standards based instruction.

Performance pay based only on students’ results is not the solution to rewarding hard working teachers. Some of the hardest working teachers are in environments with little to no support from administration, parents or the students.  Each teacher deserves individualized performance goals, just like in corporate America.

The Lesson

I had just begun my second lap of the Dwelling when I heard a rubbing sound coming from my front wheel.  I unhooked the wheel and was realigning it when I saw an approaching rider.

As the rider drew near I looked up to tell him that I was OK when he inquired if I needed help.

Instead the rider continued past without even looking at me.  He was a younger rider wearing headphones and obviously didn’t know that mountain bikers always inquire about the condition of any rider they see stopped.  This guy just rode away from me without even acknowledging my presence on the trail.

I could not stand for this.  There was no way I would allow this punk kid to breach the unwritten code of trail riding etiquette.  I had to teach him a lesson.

“Release the hounds!” The chase had begun.  I rode at a slightly faster than normal pace for about a mile and a half before I caught sight of the scoundrel.  I could hear his brakes squealing as he went down the hills and into turns. I knew I had him.

I began thinking about how I would administer the punishment for violating the “need help” rule.  I could just blow by him on a climb.  No, that could be risky because I might tire myself out.  Maybe I’d roll up on his wheel and yell “on your left!”  No, that would just be rude.  The cartoon light bulb over my head lit up:  I would ride up to his wheel and then back off.  I would continue doing this again and again until he learned his lesson.  It would show him I am so superior that I can catch and release at will!  His ego, confidence and soul would be mine to crush!  It didn’t occur to me then that my plan had nothing to do with etiquette.

He began glancing over his shoulder.  He could see me.  How could he not?  I’m six three, two hundred pounds and ride a 29er.  I had him.  Then he did the unexpected:  he pulled over and let me pass.  He didn’t slow up he just stopped.  To make it worse he asked, “How are you doing?”

I felt bad.  I thought this was just some Primal wearing douche bag but it turned out he was a nice kid that perhaps made an honest mistake.  My rational was being called into question.  How could I have been so angry that I was going to crush the sprit of a nice kid?  I was feeling bad, embarrassed and ashamed at my overreaction.

I heard the squeal of mechanical brakes.  I glanced over my shoulder and saw him trying to run me down!  He let me pass just to use me as a rabbit.  Who did he think he was?  I was right the first time.  He needed to be taught a lesson.  Not only did he ignore me, now he was trying to run me down.

I, as my four year old would say, dropped the hammer on him.  I didn’t pick up the pace a little, or ride a bit aggressively – I went all out.  I was out of the saddle powering up hills.  On descents I shifted and kept peddling.  I rode the bike as hard as I could.  I took corners at speeds I never would’ve dreamed of.  My tires breaking free never entered my mind… until one did but I recovered before hitting a tree.  I was riding so hard my vision became tunneled. I almost crashed and had little awareness of what was around me but I was flying.  My brain and upper body were operating on the minimum supply of blood and oxygen – my legs needed it all.

I never saw him again on the trail.

I am sure he learned his lesson that day.  Or he went home and told his friends about some crazy old guy that almost crashed because he was riding like an ass.

Either way, I made my point.